I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
