So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize