I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize