I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
