His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Vodka?
Forever.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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