My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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