I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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