I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
