let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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