Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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