You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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