It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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