i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
