We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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