soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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