Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
