i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
