i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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