Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
