1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
