I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
