I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
