I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
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