Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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