We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
