I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize