i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
