marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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