It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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