I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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