I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
