Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Can I color on your dick again?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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