he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
