dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
