K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
