flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
