Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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