I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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