okay pat passed out under dana's car
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i drank out of a bidet.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
