I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
