also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
