So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
