So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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