everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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