I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
