Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
