my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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