waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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