The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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