my vag is so smooth its legendary
everyone is single if you try hard enough
In America we eat man semen.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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