I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
well most of my day revolves around power hour
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.