Cold hands, warm shart.
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
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then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
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GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.