we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
