Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???