Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I could make wine with my vomit
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
