Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize