We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
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