Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
