I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
