you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
