omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
