Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My legs feel like baby dolphins
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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