How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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