my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
