yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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