this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
