I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
