forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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