Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
