Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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