So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
