yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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