Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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