dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
