its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Randomize
