End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
