Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
