I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
