I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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