Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
