Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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