Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize