i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
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Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
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I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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