dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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