it's too hot outside to masturbate.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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