She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You took a bar mat shot.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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