Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
