What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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