break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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