one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
