I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
