And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize