I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
